Now that this thing called the "sun" has re-appeared, I notice that my gym needs an AC system, quick. In the afternoons, when I'm there, the sun shines directly into the corner 2 window / walls, directly onto the cardio equipment. Now I know why one of the windows is frosted. But it still sucks to do cardio. Or weights.
Lucky for me, the other people that work out there realize the importance of deodorant and wiping down the equipment.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Claiming To Be A Sponsor
On Sunday I looked up the pool schedule and then called the front desk at the Y to double check. I don't want to claim that the website had a credibility problem, but the schedule had a note saying that the winter 2007 childwatch schedule will be posted soon. Plus, they always have 4pm-5pm blocked off on Sundays for birthday parties, but if no one has booked the pool they allow lap swim. The guy at the front desk told me that there was indeed a party, but after 5pm all 6 lanes would be open. I was surprised because according to their schedule, 3 of the lanes were supposed to be reserved for the Special Olympics. I should have remembered that the front desk appears to use a random answer generator to respond to questions.
As soon as I got the Y, I glanced at the pool and thought it looked awfully crowded for a birthday party that had allegedly just ended. When I walked out on deck I saw that the Special Olympics was indeed using 3 of the lanes like the schedule indicated. Surprisingly enough the schedule on the website had been accurate! Must have been a coincidence.
However, the last three lanes were blocked off by a horizontal rope, and no one appeared to be using them. Well, there's just no way that I'm going to complain about the Special Olympics using the pool (although I think the dude at the front desk should have been able to tell me that they were going to be using 3 lanes), so I thought I would just soak in the hot tub for 5 minutes and then go home. Another woman came into the hot tub and expressed similar thoughts. Shortly after that an elderly lady came out and walked right up to the teenage lifeguard and demanded to know what was going on with the unused lanes. At that point the lifeguard admitted that he had forgotten to set up the line lanes. It looked like everything was going to be peachy keen, and we all started swimming. Except for one thing: I think the front desk genius must have switched answers, and begun telling people that family swim was happening. Or maybe they changed the website. Either way, all of a sudden there were a ton of kids in the three lap swim lanes.
I think we were all getting a little bit frustrated, and when the 4th child, who was wearing a bikini, a ton of makeup and jewelry, tried to get into our lane, the hot tub lady very bluntly asked her if she knew how to circle swim. She said no and scurried off. However, that still left 3 other kids (I'm talking about 6-7 years old) in our lane struggling to get across the pool. The hot tub lady got frustrated and left. I realized that I wasn't going to get a meaningful workout and decided to just use the kickboard. This gave me a good opportunity to see what was going on.
There was people jammed packed into the Special Olympics lanes. I mean to the point at which it was really hard for people to swim because there wasn't any space. Furthermore, the signs on the lanes said lap swim so there were other lap swimmers standing over the Special Olympic lanes so they could try and jump in when people left without realizing that the lanes weren't available. The whole thing made me incredibly angry. I know that pretty soon I'll see signs hanging up at the Y saying how they are sponsors of the Special Olympics. Here's a thought: if you're going to be a sponsor, why not just give the Special Olympics all 6 lanes? You could either close the pool for that time or you could keep the pool open an hour later (since it normally closes 3 hours earlier on Sundays). Yes, I know there's cost for the Y either way, but isn't that what a sponsor is supposed to do? The idea is to treat the Olympians with respect, not crowd them like sardines.
As for bikini girl, she snuck in after hot tub lady left and proceeded to do handstands in the middle of the lane right by the lifeguard. Of course when I questioned the new definition of lap swim, the lifeguard was quick to explain how lap swim worked to the bikini girl. Not surprisingly she immediately left.
As soon as I got the Y, I glanced at the pool and thought it looked awfully crowded for a birthday party that had allegedly just ended. When I walked out on deck I saw that the Special Olympics was indeed using 3 of the lanes like the schedule indicated. Surprisingly enough the schedule on the website had been accurate! Must have been a coincidence.
However, the last three lanes were blocked off by a horizontal rope, and no one appeared to be using them. Well, there's just no way that I'm going to complain about the Special Olympics using the pool (although I think the dude at the front desk should have been able to tell me that they were going to be using 3 lanes), so I thought I would just soak in the hot tub for 5 minutes and then go home. Another woman came into the hot tub and expressed similar thoughts. Shortly after that an elderly lady came out and walked right up to the teenage lifeguard and demanded to know what was going on with the unused lanes. At that point the lifeguard admitted that he had forgotten to set up the line lanes. It looked like everything was going to be peachy keen, and we all started swimming. Except for one thing: I think the front desk genius must have switched answers, and begun telling people that family swim was happening. Or maybe they changed the website. Either way, all of a sudden there were a ton of kids in the three lap swim lanes.
I think we were all getting a little bit frustrated, and when the 4th child, who was wearing a bikini, a ton of makeup and jewelry, tried to get into our lane, the hot tub lady very bluntly asked her if she knew how to circle swim. She said no and scurried off. However, that still left 3 other kids (I'm talking about 6-7 years old) in our lane struggling to get across the pool. The hot tub lady got frustrated and left. I realized that I wasn't going to get a meaningful workout and decided to just use the kickboard. This gave me a good opportunity to see what was going on.
There was people jammed packed into the Special Olympics lanes. I mean to the point at which it was really hard for people to swim because there wasn't any space. Furthermore, the signs on the lanes said lap swim so there were other lap swimmers standing over the Special Olympic lanes so they could try and jump in when people left without realizing that the lanes weren't available. The whole thing made me incredibly angry. I know that pretty soon I'll see signs hanging up at the Y saying how they are sponsors of the Special Olympics. Here's a thought: if you're going to be a sponsor, why not just give the Special Olympics all 6 lanes? You could either close the pool for that time or you could keep the pool open an hour later (since it normally closes 3 hours earlier on Sundays). Yes, I know there's cost for the Y either way, but isn't that what a sponsor is supposed to do? The idea is to treat the Olympians with respect, not crowd them like sardines.
As for bikini girl, she snuck in after hot tub lady left and proceeded to do handstands in the middle of the lane right by the lifeguard. Of course when I questioned the new definition of lap swim, the lifeguard was quick to explain how lap swim worked to the bikini girl. Not surprisingly she immediately left.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Showery Excitement
I had a hard and great workout today and couldn't wait to hit the showers. Hot water pounding on my shoulders then sliding down my salty skin is reward. My body cools when I strip, the skin getting goose-pimply as a walk over the slick tiled floors. The shower warms me and wipes me clean.
The work I've done in the gym that day sinks into the muscles and becomes the result that shows the rest of the day when I'm showering. Hot water as annealer.
I quickly stripped of my soaking wet t-shirt and shorts, tore off the sock and threw the entire pile of sopping clothing into my locker. The towel I packed had dried on the line, so it was scratchy and rough. A just reward for a job hard-won.
As I chose a shower stall, I turned and saw an older woman lying on the floor in the stall across from me. Everyone else ignored her; she was soapy but unable to get up. Naked and completely vulnerable. She just needed a little help but wisely insisted on management coming to help. And here's the weak point in the gym's design: there is no communication line between the locker room and the front desk.
I walked through the locker room yelling: is anybody dressed?? Anybody??
Nope.
So I pulled my sopping wet t-shirt and soggy wet shorts back on (sans undies, this was an emergency), walked up the stairs and through the gym to get her help. Fortunately, two female employees were quickly summoned to provide assistance.
Back. Clothes back in the locker; me back in the shower stall. Corporate girls talking to our fallen lady. She has no explanation for how she fell, but it's a shower room.
Do you know about the simple one minute stroke test? Neither did the employees. Frequently when someone falls down with no reasonable explanation, this test will show that the person has had a stroke. Quickly. Easily. Before they try to get up. So I guided the trainer through the 3 questions, then witnessed as she continued checking that the woman hadn't injured herself in her fall. Fortunately, all signs were negative and the woman was assisted to her locker, dressed and escorted safely and happily from the gym. Nobody asked for ID as a witness in the accident, so I hope it's history all around.
And I? I decided that the miracle of the shower was not to be part of my life today. I quickly washed the sweat away, pulled on dry clothes and put the work behind me.
The work I've done in the gym that day sinks into the muscles and becomes the result that shows the rest of the day when I'm showering. Hot water as annealer.
I quickly stripped of my soaking wet t-shirt and shorts, tore off the sock and threw the entire pile of sopping clothing into my locker. The towel I packed had dried on the line, so it was scratchy and rough. A just reward for a job hard-won.
As I chose a shower stall, I turned and saw an older woman lying on the floor in the stall across from me. Everyone else ignored her; she was soapy but unable to get up. Naked and completely vulnerable. She just needed a little help but wisely insisted on management coming to help. And here's the weak point in the gym's design: there is no communication line between the locker room and the front desk.
I walked through the locker room yelling: is anybody dressed?? Anybody??
Nope.
So I pulled my sopping wet t-shirt and soggy wet shorts back on (sans undies, this was an emergency), walked up the stairs and through the gym to get her help. Fortunately, two female employees were quickly summoned to provide assistance.
Back. Clothes back in the locker; me back in the shower stall. Corporate girls talking to our fallen lady. She has no explanation for how she fell, but it's a shower room.
Do you know about the simple one minute stroke test? Neither did the employees. Frequently when someone falls down with no reasonable explanation, this test will show that the person has had a stroke. Quickly. Easily. Before they try to get up. So I guided the trainer through the 3 questions, then witnessed as she continued checking that the woman hadn't injured herself in her fall. Fortunately, all signs were negative and the woman was assisted to her locker, dressed and escorted safely and happily from the gym. Nobody asked for ID as a witness in the accident, so I hope it's history all around.
And I? I decided that the miracle of the shower was not to be part of my life today. I quickly washed the sweat away, pulled on dry clothes and put the work behind me.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Oh No She Didn't!
Husband overheard the following conversation between a blond woman in her 30s and her gay friend as she worked out on an elliptical machine and he sweated it out on the treadmill next to her:
Bitch 1: So I think my maid is stealing from us.
Bitch 2: No way, honey! What are you going to do?
Bitch 1: I called my mom, and she said, "What did you think was going to happen? The help stole from us all the time."
Bitch 2: Tsk, tsk.
Bitch 1: Plus, I don't think the nanny does enough. When I'm playing with my children, the nanny should be cleaning.
Bitch 2: (Sighing heavily.) Good help is so hard to find. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
Yes, folks, it is a damn good thing that I was not there to witness this.
Bitch 1: So I think my maid is stealing from us.
Bitch 2: No way, honey! What are you going to do?
Bitch 1: I called my mom, and she said, "What did you think was going to happen? The help stole from us all the time."
Bitch 2: Tsk, tsk.
Bitch 1: Plus, I don't think the nanny does enough. When I'm playing with my children, the nanny should be cleaning.
Bitch 2: (Sighing heavily.) Good help is so hard to find. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
Yes, folks, it is a damn good thing that I was not there to witness this.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The Woman with the Baby
Yesterday I decided to take my chances and go to the Y around lunch time with my two kids even though that always means there's the chance that I'll have to parade through the lobby in my swim suit looking like a drowned rat to tell the childwatch that my child has farted and not had an accident like they initially thought. Can't say I blame them though for not wanting to check! With a snow storm imminent, I really wanted to make sure I had a chance to workout because, hey, I lost 3 pounds last week!
Unfortunately, since it was early, there were only two lap swim lanes open and both of them already had two people in them. One lane had someone who was struggling to swim back and forth so I did obvious thing: stand in front of the lane with my cap, goggles, kickboard, and waterbottle and try to give off "professional swimmer" vibes even though I'm not really a professional swimmer (I was a competitive swimmer for years, so I feel like that should count, right?) However, I was not alone. Next to me was a brand-new baby in a stroller (or carriage as people here in MA like to say). "That's funny," I thought to myself because no one there looked like they had just had a baby. In fact if I had to narrow it down to three people it would be 1) Me. I do look like I've had a baby recently, hey that's why I was at the Y. Seeing as my baby is only 8 months-old, that would have been pretty impressive. 2)Any of the hundred-year-old ladies in the water aerobics class. 3) The teenage boy who was struggling to make it across the lane. Unless medical science had provided an even bigger miracle than allowing post-menopausal old ladies to have a baby, the boy didn't give birth to that baby, although he could have been the father.
As I was thinking about this, the second swimmer in the lane stopped and invited me to circle swim with them. Now, that is a true miracle. No one ever invites anyone to circle swim at the Y. She was very fit and very bubbly. Just as I was about to get in, she asked me if the baby was still sleeping. Turns out it was her baby, AND he was only 5 weeks old! He also was her 4th baby. I almost fell over. She told me that "she was no stranger to the refrigerator with any of her 4 pregnancies." She and I had a nice chat which is also unusual at the Y. When she paused from sprinting across the pool a million times, I did a quick peek at her belly as I was doing my flip turn. It was perfectly flat.
Unfortunately, since it was early, there were only two lap swim lanes open and both of them already had two people in them. One lane had someone who was struggling to swim back and forth so I did obvious thing: stand in front of the lane with my cap, goggles, kickboard, and waterbottle and try to give off "professional swimmer" vibes even though I'm not really a professional swimmer (I was a competitive swimmer for years, so I feel like that should count, right?) However, I was not alone. Next to me was a brand-new baby in a stroller (or carriage as people here in MA like to say). "That's funny," I thought to myself because no one there looked like they had just had a baby. In fact if I had to narrow it down to three people it would be 1) Me. I do look like I've had a baby recently, hey that's why I was at the Y. Seeing as my baby is only 8 months-old, that would have been pretty impressive. 2)Any of the hundred-year-old ladies in the water aerobics class. 3) The teenage boy who was struggling to make it across the lane. Unless medical science had provided an even bigger miracle than allowing post-menopausal old ladies to have a baby, the boy didn't give birth to that baby, although he could have been the father.
As I was thinking about this, the second swimmer in the lane stopped and invited me to circle swim with them. Now, that is a true miracle. No one ever invites anyone to circle swim at the Y. She was very fit and very bubbly. Just as I was about to get in, she asked me if the baby was still sleeping. Turns out it was her baby, AND he was only 5 weeks old! He also was her 4th baby. I almost fell over. She told me that "she was no stranger to the refrigerator with any of her 4 pregnancies." She and I had a nice chat which is also unusual at the Y. When she paused from sprinting across the pool a million times, I did a quick peek at her belly as I was doing my flip turn. It was perfectly flat.
straining... too much or too little
There was a guy using the cable machine. I had a clear view of him via the wall-mirror while I was on the bike, and he was much more interesting than Seinfeld without sound (I listen to my music still). Instead of pulling the cables smoothly, he would give them a big jerk. It really looked like the only way he could lift that much weight was by wrenching his muscles and joints in a very non-fluid motion. It also really looked like he was going to hurt himself. Bad.
Then there was the chick in the locker room bathroom. While I was changing back into street des, she went to use the toilet. She was much more... noisy and liquidy for doing #2 then I think either of us were comfortable with. Luckily, I finished changing and left before she finished so we didn't have to look at each other (I hope she was as embarrassed as I). But, 2 more girls walked in as I walked out. They had no idea what they were in for.
Then there was the chick in the locker room bathroom. While I was changing back into street des, she went to use the toilet. She was much more... noisy and liquidy for doing #2 then I think either of us were comfortable with. Luckily, I finished changing and left before she finished so we didn't have to look at each other (I hope she was as embarrassed as I). But, 2 more girls walked in as I walked out. They had no idea what they were in for.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Just two
One: Guy who holds his towel in his mouth while on the elliptical machine. First, there's plenty of other places to put it. Second, this is a towel that has dried someone else's crack and athete's foot probably hundreds of times. Washed or not washed, I don't put that in my mouth.
Two: The lady at yoga in her... outfit. Do you remember in the late 80s/early 90s when women started wearing leotards to work out in over their spandex pants? And then the leotards became two-pieces? And then the bottom part became a thong? Something like this, but with Spandex pants.
Anyway, this woman was wearing that, or at least I THOUGHT so. But in fact, it was just a pair of spandex pants colored to appear as though there was a thong over them. So, like a faux-teal thong. And worse? She had the world's flattest ass, so it was really noticeable that those fake curves were... fake.
Two: The lady at yoga in her... outfit. Do you remember in the late 80s/early 90s when women started wearing leotards to work out in over their spandex pants? And then the leotards became two-pieces? And then the bottom part became a thong? Something like this, but with Spandex pants.
Anyway, this woman was wearing that, or at least I THOUGHT so. But in fact, it was just a pair of spandex pants colored to appear as though there was a thong over them. So, like a faux-teal thong. And worse? She had the world's flattest ass, so it was really noticeable that those fake curves were... fake.
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