Costume Du Jour...

This definetely qualifies as the costume of the day:

Picture: A 40-something woman with about 20 extra pounds on her, hair mid-back length at the longest but broken and damaged so most of it falls somewhere just below her shoulders. It was once dyed some kind of ashen blonde, but it's faded to something mousier. Black eyeliner. Dark lipstick.

The Workout Clothes:

A black cotton sleeveless top. The top edge is decorated with Indian inspired tear-drop shapes circling the neck. Each shape has beads and sequins in a pretty pattern. The top has the popular "baby doll" shape with the "waist" just below the bustline and a full bottom piece. The bottom falls down to mid-hip length with another row of those tear-drop shapes accenting the hem. Actually fairly pretty.

If only I could have stopped there.

Tucked below the hem of this top is a black denim micro-mini skirt that would not cover her private bits. It's got some faded embroidery on one of the pockets and her keys and cell phone tucked into the pockets.

Under this "transitional clothing item" are black leggings tight enough to show every dimple of cellulite on her butt cheeks.

And white tennis shoes.

Advice

If you do a lower body workout with weights, it's not a good idea to spend 30 minutes on the stairmaster the next day. It's an even worse idea to do 40 minutes on an elliptical machine the day after that.

I can't move my legs today. Pain.

No-pants day

The Gym Whisperer
When I walked into the locker room, there was someone using the toilet. Otherwise the locker room was empty. Then the girl walked out of the stall, bare from the waist down. I politely looked away, but had to sneak a glance to make sure I was not un-hallucinating. Turns out, she was wearing flesh-colored underwear, but still no pants. And she was whispering to herself. I thought maybe she was talking on a Bluetooth or something, but she was very quiet, and not making complete sentences. Then she did make a call, to schedule a mani/pedi. She spoke clearly and loudly. When she was done, she continued whispering to herself, still sans pants.

Tiny Shorts No-Butt
I've never understood why people roll the waistbands of their sweatpants. I guess it's to make shorts shorter and "show off" the wearer's butt more. The girl that was directly in front of me doing cardio did this. But her shorts were already too short. And she really had no butt to show off - not a curve in sight. However, due to the rolling-of-the-waistband, I got to see way more of this non-butt then I would have cared to. I was very unhappy with Tiny Shorts No-Butt in front of me, blocking my view of the outside world with her flat board-butt and shorts rolled into her crack.


ps - after the gym I had a big banana split. That was awesome.

Death of the Machine

New fangled gadgets confuse and scare me. I didn't particularly want an iPod, but Husband got an iPod shuffle for free at a conference he attended (I know - insane), and so I loaded some songs onto it and listened to it at the gym once in a while. That once in a while became very frequently, though, when I discovered the joy of weight lifting to music.

Thus today when I plugged my iPod into the USB port and was all set to add Bon Jovi and a few Madonna songs that I cannot believe that I am missing ("Like a Prayer" - how can that not be on there?), I was distressed to see that iTunes deleted my file and refused to recognize the music that was already loaded. Husband said I will need to delete everything and start all over.

Fucking technology.

Well, that was fun.

Tonight was a good night for people-watching. The substitute teacher was back in the exact same striped button-down shirt and dockers, so maybe that is his workout outfit. There was also a guy just wandering around at random fully dressed talking on a bluetooth. There were the giggle twins, who kept peeking around corners, rushing to places, and giggling like this was all the funnest thing ever! They were also lifting weights in a sort of synchronized-swimming routine, swinging the weights at their sides in unison. There was a flutterer -- a guy who gets on the machines, sets the weight too high, then rapidly flaps the handles back and forth without ever letting them all the way down. And then in the locker room was a very elderly woman seated watching "Deal or No Deal" and lifting a Pilates ball from the floor to shoulder height. A Pilates ball, in case you aren't familiar, is basically a sturdy balloon, not a heavy medicine ball or something. I would just like to say two things: First, if I get that old and am still working out, good for me! Second, if "working out" is lifting a balloon repeatedly while watching game shows, go ahead and kill me.

Get Out of the Way

The gym I work out in is very small. There is not much room for people who might want to sit around and randomly watch people work out, which is good, because no one should be engaging in such activity. Unfortunately, no one sent that message to the wench and her son who followed around her husband/his dad while he worked out with a trainer.

At first, it struck me as odd that a woman in her 40s was standing around in jeans, leather boots, and a sweater in her coat. Then I noticed the precocious 8 year old boy fully decked out in yuppie wear next to her. When the mom let him "play" on the equipment, I began getting really annoyed. Especially since the equipment was clearly too big for him and either he was going to get hurt or break the equipment or both. I didn't care if he got hurt (except that they'd probably sue the gym even though he should not have been on it in the first place), but I would've been mad pissed if he broke it.

Eventually, a gym employee told him to get off, and that is when they began following around their loved one in earnest. I admit I found it funny when the kid started yelling, "Dad! Your face is bright red! You're going to hurt yourself." But they kept putting their coats on equipment and sitting on other pieces. Finally, the dad finished and they went away. But damn, they were annoying.

President's Day Pack-In

Oh My God!!

I'd forgotten this was a federal holiday. I headed in for my normal Monday morning workout with Totally Adorable Trainer(tm) expecting the normal amount of activity.

Every aerobic machine was taken and folks were waiting in line.

People were waiting WAITING to use the various weight machines.

(on a brighter note, atleast the clothing was more varied today...)

It was crowded and noisy and hot and I hated it!!

Totally Adorable Trainer(tm)'s grandfather (in the hospital) took a turn for a worse this morning so he was at the hospital. Sorry for him, glad for me. I put in a half-hearted, half-hour workout and blew Dodge...