And the Definition of Lap Swim is...

To the teenage boy in the lane next to me,

I'm all for love and physical affection. I think it's great that you and your girlfriend care about each other so much. However, I wasn't too impressed by you. For starters, the pool was crazy the other night. Normally at 9 pm it's pretty dead (it's the suburbs of MA, not NYC), but for some reason everyone and their dog was at the pool. Okay maybe not the dog. While I don't mind splitting a lane with someone, I definitely prefer to have my own. Which brings me to you. Good for you and your girlfriend that you decided not to go with the typical dinner and movie date and instead tried to do something healthy and get some exercise. However, it's that exercise that I have an issue with. Just like how you wore goggles which allowed you to try to look at my rack and the racks of the other women swimming in the pool, I also wore goggles. Wouldn't you know that my goggles allowed me to see what YOU were doing underwater - groping your girlfriend. I'm glad that you were having a good time, but you were taking up a valuable lane. Obviously you must have been confused by the definition of lap swimming. You see lap swim means to swim back and forth across the pool, not to try and lap up your girlfriend while you're swimming in the pool.