Thursday, January 4, 2007

My Gym

I had to shield my children from paparazzi when we left the gym today.

I'm not kidding.

Turns out a certain Miss Blonde Just Divorced from a guy who's name rhymes with Dick frequents my gym and just happened to be working out with a new trainer who everyone assumes she's screwing.

Trust me. They are not screwing. The assistant working out with/next to her wouldn't allow it. And the guy is clearly just a trainer thrilled to have been given the opportunity to sculpt Daisy Duke's ass. You can tell they are not screwing. Trust me.

Maybe everyone really wants to see a photo of Miss Blonde wearing black stretch pants and a black tank top and a black hat pulled so far down you can't see her eyes as she dashes from the gym entrance to a waiting SUV (driven by Daddy?). I can't imagine why, but maybe they do. Maybe they want to see it so much that when I leave my gym, it's necessary for several cameramen to be smoking, swearing, and leaning against their car hoods as they nearly block traffic on the small, suburban side street.

Sure I joked with them and told them to make sure to catch me in a good light...but they can go away now. My Hollywood Suburb gets it's share of C D and B list actors as residents and shoppers. A certain Mrs. Nearly Killed Her Kids in a Drunken Car Wreck Everyone Knows Her As Kirk Cameron's Annoying TV Sister nearly plowed my family and I down in Target not too long ago. She's a maniac with a cart, let me tell you. And she apparently is always in a hurry. But that's it. That's the kind of celebs I like in my town. The ones you recognize, but not enough to really bother. Like the time Mr. Isuzu and I got our prescriptions together at Longs.

The ones that DO NOT attract the sleazy photographers that linger on my town center drive.

So, Miss Blonde, I'm not sure what you are doing here or why you've decided to frequent our quiet little city, but whenever you finish filming whatever it is you are filming here, feel free to take trainer boy and get the hell out.

If you've actually moved here, may I suggest the 24 hour fitness on the other side of town?

Crossposted at The Queen of Spain

2 comments:

super des said...

I'd be very upset if that happened to me. Not to mention it took a few minutes for me to get who you were talking about.

Suzanne said...

At first I thought they were there for her because she recently wrote an article about Obama running for Pres that got a lot of flack. Then I realized what an idiot I am.

I once saw Julia Stiles at my gym, but now that it is hidden in the basement and not letting just anyone in, I doubt I'll see the likes of her again.