Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Lifeguard with X-ray Vision

Today when I was swimming at the Y, I reminisced about my "favorite" lifeguard. Not only could this fine young man save my life if need be, but he also had x-ray vision! I know this because he would guard with his towel over his head. To the casual observer he might look like he was sleeping with his towel over his face, but clearly the Y would not allow a lifeguard to sleep on duty. The obvious conclusion then is that he could see through the towel. What a special individual! Occasionally he would remove the towel and stroll very slowly (it wasn't because he had just woken up, it was because he didn't want to slip) over to the white board and write a new workout on it. Hey, he has x-ray vision, not magical powers to make writing appear. Obviously another pool realized his fine qualities and offered him an enormous pay raise to work for them which he then accepted because after a mere week I never saw him again.


Anonymous said...

During my random blog reading at work I came across Suzanne's blog which lead me to this one. It appears that you are looking for contributors with gym stories. Well, I have a strange one that I have been carrying around for about a year now. Hope you like it.

One day after exiting the showers at the gym I observed another guy, in street clothes sitting on the bench within the same row that my locker was. The locker rooms are equipped with televisions that were displaying some sporting event that I had no interest in. The guy was intently watching the television. While getting dressed I noticed that he began to pull out bread, peanut butter, and jelly from a plastic bag that was next to him. He laid the bread directly on the bench while he prepared his sandwhich. I though how that bench has probably seen more asses than the actually toliets at the gym. I was truly grossed out, so much that I almost asked the guy what the hell are you doing? Instead I said nothing while the guy enjoyed his peanut butter, jelly, and staff infection sandwhich.

A. Elliot said...

That is very disturbing! I'm just imagining all the gross things that could be on there: asses, pubic hair, feet,....I have to stop thinking about it or else I might throw up. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Suzanne said...

"I know this because he would guard with his towel over his head."

Oh, that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh, even as I type this.